Thursday, September 10, 2015

saying hello

Now every fibre of me is awake
tingling with the perfect awareness
of their own physicality
chortling full of the knowledge
that they are alive -
even my fingers recognize the change
and reach for the sky, believing they can hold it all.
Who cares about being happier,
who needs more than we are 
as long as we are happy enough?

and I am happy enough.


Even though I blogged quite a lot in August, it feels like forever since I actually sat down and was present here on my blog. Summer has stolen bits and pieces of me away in the best way possible, my attention tugged in one hundred different, wonderful directions, and I'm just beginning to sift all the glorious fragments back together. I've kept an eye on the blogging world, but it's been quiet over the past few months, so I don't feel like I've missed much.

I finished up working at my outdoor pool two weeks ago, and something tightened in my chest as I walked out the front door for the last time. I've started working at an indoor pool again this past Tuesday (this is my first year out of high school, but I'm taking a gap before university, stretching my wings a bit before settling down to schoolwork again) but something in me wants to hold tightly to the way things were, the outdoor pool with the sun on my face and in my hair, the same people every morning, and the other guards who eventually knew me almost as well as I know myself.

I get painfully, unavoidably attached to people. and then it hurts to let them go. I have not yet learned to retreat gracefully, to say goodbye without turning it into an ending. It is hard for me to believe in the ebb and flow of life, to recognize that every page turn is monumental not because it signals change, but because it is such a simple, constant action. It is important simply because of what it is, not because it points to anything greater.
Each chapter that ends, as this one does also means that a new one is beginning. It's hard to imagine that there could be more adventures worth having, when I'm not finished with this one yet. I suppose that's the way of adventures, of life in general. They sneak up on you whether you're quite ready for them or not. 

I'm ready to say hello to new experiences, working all day every day, instead of just evening shifts, ready to meet new people and try new things (this week I taught my first few aquafit classes!) I'm saying hello to new possibilities and opportunities, to free evenings and (hopefully!) lots of books. I'm saying hello to all the adventures I haven't had yet, hello to leaves that change colour and drift along the ground, hello to the beautiful crunch underfoot that is nothing like the bright sunshine of summer, but somehow is still perfect.

Hello, dear friends! Please update me about your lives - it feels like forever since we last talked and I MISS YOU ALL. What are you saying hello to lately?



  1. Welcome back Olivia! I've missed reading your posts. Don't feel bad for taking an unexpected blogging break. Life happens sometimes, and when you have a choice between keeping up with your blog, or living life, you should always choose real life over the virtual one. :) I loved reading this post. I am always breathlessly in awe of your writing. Please don't ever stop. I hope you have a fantastic gap year and have unforgetable experiences.

    1. Thank you so much, Hannah! I've missed hearing from you, too. :) this post was a couple of journal entries combined, just some thoughts I'd been wanting to share for a while. I'm so glad you liked it!!

  2. It's good to hear from you again, Olivia. Wow, gap year. What's it like being out of high school? I'll be there too this time next year.
    I'm saying hello to dual credit classes/the first non-homeschool co-op classes I've taken, my senior year of HS, driving on my own, and volunteering on my own somewhere for the first time.

    I love the way you write your thoughts, the poetry that you can make words into by just saying the simplest things.

    1. Danielle, I LOVE BEING OUT OF HIGH SCHOOL. I biked past all the school kids on my way to work this morning and felt so free - definitely something to look forward to as you finish up your last year! Stay strong! Haha.

      Sounds like you have a pretty exciting year on your hands, too!! Definitely keep me updated, I want to hear about all of your adventures!

  3. I know exactly what you mean about wanting to hold onto something, even though you're ready for exciting new experiences. I kind of felt that way this semester... And that's so awesome that you're taking a gap year! Have loads of fun, and I can't wait for more blog posts! You write beautifully. (-:

    1. Thanks so much, Elizabeth! :) it's good to know I'm not the only one.

  4. "I get painfully, unavoidably attached to people. and then it hurts to let them go. I have not yet learned to retreat gracefully, to say goodbye without turning it into an ending." Literally though...I can relate so much to this, Olivia. It's definitely hard to say goodbye to things, especially things that bring with them such beautiful joy and fond memories. But you have to say goodbye in order to say hello to other things, which may end up being just a extraordinary. The now is an incredible place -- it's where we move and learn and grow and experience amazing things. ♥
    I've been trying to embrace fall with open arms, though I know it means saying so-long to summer (waa.) Also continuing to explore what it means to live in the moment, and not think about the future or about stressful things like work and deadlines. And I'm trying to laugh at myself more often. Ha.
    Have a beautiful week, Olivia dear!


  5. Missing people is hard, and so is missing places. (Maybe that's why I love L.M.Montgomery's books, even when they're overly descriptive and sentimental.) This month I'm saying hello to my brand new website: I hope you'll check it out! (P.S. I found your blog a few years ago because I used to work for Tree of Life School.)


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