tonight is my last night being sixteen.
the sun sets, and I think how funny it is
that we mark time in years, rather than in stages.
because I can learn more in one day than in all the months before it
and I don't grow up within the boundaries of a number.
the magical age
has, indeed, held an unusual sort of wonder.
not the kind I expected.
instead of being the age where
I crossed evenly from child to adult,
I discovered that there is no clear line that separates the two
and if anything, sixteen is a jumbled mixture of both
in a completely pleasant way.
I have never been so comfortable in my own skin
or so sure of who I am.
I have also never felt so frustrated with life in general
and never before have I felt the need to question God.
There have never been so many dreams that didn't come true...
only because there were better ones on the way.
and I've been partly bewildered
because how could there be so much I didn't know?
but mostly, it's like unwrapping a present
you didn't expect to recieve.
strange and a little bit confusing, but
so, so cool.
I won't be sad to leave it, mostly because
I itch for an age that matches the way I feel on the inside
where, finally, people won't stop and stare
eyes flying open, because
but you know what?
in a way, that's kind of fun, too.
I spend tonight, my last night
(but also, in a way, my first.
or a night just like any other,
I spend it the way I spend much of my time.
with tea, and my journal,
"begin like you mean to go on," someone said once,
and I end that way, too.
if that makes sense.
not that this is the end, because it isn't. tonight is really
a night like any other
different only because I choose to point it out.
tonight I am sixteen.
and it is good.