yesterday's epiphany

It started with a prayer.

Last night I came home from youth group confused; I had a jumble of STUFF floating around in my head, and none of it made sense to me.
So, naturally, I began pacing. And praying, of course, but the pacing-around-my-room part made it feel more urgent.

...not that the urgency helped any. Neither did the praying, at first...I'd start off with asking God for something (for example, help understanding some of the nonsense floating around inside my head.) And then I'd stop and think "but what if He's not ready for me to understand it yet? ... I guess I'd better pray for something else." So then I'd start praying about something different, and the same thing would happen. I wasn't sure if anything I was asking for lined up with what God would potentially want for me.

And that's when I realized that I was praying for the wrong things.

Instead of praying with my earthly understanding and small, small view of the world in mind, I should have been focusing more on God.

Yesterday's epiphany was more of a prayer, really, because I realized that I was praying for what I want, instead of what God wants. My prayer for yesterday ended in me asking God to help me want what He wants, even if I don't know what that is.

And then, of course, it didn't stop there. I moved on to the question(s)

"Who am I?"

"How can I 'be myself' like everyone's telling me, if I don't know who 'myself' is?"

Again, I realized I was asking the wrong question. It's not "who am I," but

"Whose am I?"

The answer is, of course "His."



And I do believe that covers everything.