unapologetic

I am trying to live an unapologetic life.

I am tired of constantly apologizing to myself.

I'm sorry I talk too much.
I'm sorry I laugh so loudly.
I'm sorry I'm not happy enough.
I'm sorry I don't pray enough.
I'm sorry I don't write, blog, clean, read, bake, or wash dishes often enough.
I'm sorry I'm not enough. 

I'm sorry I'm not perfect, sorry I make mistakes, sorry I'm human.

No more.

I am 18 years old, and I am still figuring things out. I am very, very human, which means that I am so far from anything even resembling perfection....and that is very, very okay.

I'm trying to learn to be okay with the fact that I cannot be perfect all of the time, or most of the time, or even some of the time.

I am done apologizing for things that are not my fault, characteristics and personality quirks that are not flaws, and sentences that were never meant to be mistakes. I don't want to feel like I should apologize for who I am.

I am sometimes angry, smiley, grumpy, cheerful, anxious, hyper. I am sometimes loud, giggly, chatty. I am not happy all the time, and sometimes I have bad days. Sometimes I love my job and I want to grab the world with both hands and hug it all so tightly.

I am learning that it is okay not to feel all of these things all at once, every day, all the time.

I am no longer going to apologize for things that I cannot control, words I didn't mean not to say, smiles that appeared a half second too late and lasted not quite long enough to be noticed.

I'm not sorry that I laughed so loudly because I was so happy.
I'm not sorry that I was paying more attention to what I was saying than where I was going; I'm not sorry you had to tug me out of the way of an approaching cyclist in the middle of a sentence.
I'm not sorry I ate four cookies at lunch today, but I'm also not sorry that I love salad every now and then, too.
I'm not sorry that I'm too tall, or too pale, or too blonde, or too skinny, or not skinny enough.
I'm not sorry that I'm me instead of someone else.

I am sorry that it took me so long to realize that I haven't been apologizing to you; I've been saying sorry over and over again to no one else but myself. Sorry I don't meet my own expectations, sorry I'm not perfect, sorry I still make mistakes. I'm sorry that I didn't realize that it isn't your approval I want; it's my own.

I am trying to live an unapologetic life. I'm not sorry I'm human....

I am happy with the person I am becoming.



hello, friends!! just a few thoughts that have been floating around in my head for the past few days... I seem to learn a lot about myself by working a lot in the summer... last year was about growing into myself a little bit more, learning who I really am when I am at my best... and this year has been about stepping into my own shoes and learning to love that person for where she is right now, not where she could be or should be or would be if this, if that, if only. does that make sense?

unapologetically,
Olivia ♥